#102

'Village Announcements' is a column of news items coming from the Village for folks in the Village.

Public Announcements

Today No.2 announced that there would be budget cuts in certain departments of our happy community. The programs to be cut include: No.2 would like to remind you that these cuts would not have been necessary had certain citizens conformed and contributed to this, our happy community.The statement No.6 treasonously made that the new "General 500" is just a puppet being controlled by some guardian, is false. To address this statement, there was no man behind the curtain. Rather the curtain covered a janitor closet.

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We would like to express a warm Village welcome to our new citizen, No.12. He voluntarily joined our happy community for the benefit of us all. No.12 is a great asset to all citizens of the Village due to his fantastic brain for science. Any students wishing to study with him will learn about his amazing mind transference machine. Please speak clearly and use small words with him as he is still recovering from his instant social conversion.

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We all enjoyed that sing-along No.2 played on the radio called 'We are all individuals.' I can still hear people chanting and humming that catchy tune, 'Everyone is now an individual'
    We are all individuals
    We are all individuals
    We are all individuals
Please ignore any shouts of "I'M NOT!!!!" from No.6. How silly, he is now officially what he always wanted to be; an individual. And so is everyone else.

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At the "Cat and Mouse" last night there was a concert of the Village Jazz band. They played "Don't give me none those Village blues" and "No.29, she's so fine!." This spectacular performance was topped off by a cameo performance of our fabulous solo trumpeter, No.22Blue, (a nickname that he's adopted). If you missed this terific event, it will be performed again next Saturday night at eight o'clock.

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Attention all gourmets! This coming Wednesday from 11.00 am to 6.00 pm No.67 will be offering a gourmet cooking workshop for all aspiring cooks and established gourmets. Expand your horizons and give your tastebuds a treat! All citizens, including non-chefs, are invited to watch and learn. Please do not refer to No.67 as "Julia" as it makes her uncomfortable. All participants are invited to dine on the gourmet meal they create. Please sign up at the Village Special Interest Building, where the event will be held.

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All sport-loving citizens are invited to watch the upcoming Village Olympics. the events will take place from July 15 to September 20. This special event happens only every four years, and has been long awaited. The events that fall into the category of summer or winter Oympics are not a problem, as the weather is predictable. The events will be presided over by No.2, and judged by a panel of neutral citizens.
The events include:
    Men's and Womens electric fencing open.
    Swimming
    500 yard dash
    Roverball
    Ice skating
    Kosho open
    Electric archery

The events are open to any amateur or professional athletes. Registration is at the Village Recreational Hall. We hope we will have a great turnout this year. Registration at the last Village Olympics was rather disappointing. Best of luck to any athletic hopefuls!

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Come one, come all, to the Village Numberfest! This long awaited event is almost here. The Numberfest is a yearly convention for all conforming citizens. This year's Numberfest will include such things as 24-hour Village movies; always open nightclubs; the annual Village bazaar; and seminars by some of the most respected citizens.

(c) Jesse Merlin1996

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