#110

'Ask Number Six' is a column describing an imaginary interview with No.6

Q: Congratulations, No.6. You have the honor of being No.2 for a shorter period of time than any other No.2 in our history.

A: You speak English well, No.2787. It is unfortunate that manners were not part of your training.

Q: Let's dispense with the small talk, No.6. Your file shows that you are militant and individualistic. Has your recent experience changed you?

A: No...madam.

Q: Will you run again next year?

A: I'll run the first chance I get.

Q: You are a sore loser, No.6.

A: Quite sore, actually. Those goons were very tough this time. You'd think that whoever scripted this plot would have given me more of a sporting chance to win. I was outnumbered and Rover was standing by. It was pointless.

Q: Just as all your escape attempts are pointless, No.6. We have many ways and means available. There will come a time when we will not hesitate to use them on you...even if they damage you, No.6.

A: Do you have the patience to wait till your mud settles and the water is clear? Can you remain unmoving till the right action arises by itself?

Q: Lao-tzu would instruct you not to fight against your surroundings.

A: Ask not what your Village can do for you, but what you can do for your Village?

Q: Precisely. Accept your life here and you could be more than a mere No.6.

A: That reminds me. I was promised that if I won the election that I would be introduced to No.1. Where is he?

Q: It should be obvious, you have won nothing. By the way, here is a complimentary copy of the Tally Ho election edition. Have you seen it yet?

A: Yes. I was impressed that your staff knew what was on my mind even before I was interviewed. But I was pleased that you used a picture of me from BEFORE I came to the Village for the cover photo. How did you obtain a copy of my Secret Service identification?

Q: No comment. What else would you like to talk about? Your recent identity crisis perhaps?

A: Running for office is very stressful, and I am a person.

Q: Save it for someone who cares, No.6. You should know by now that if you obey the rules we will take good care of you. Tell me why you resigned.

A: Vodka.

Q: What do you mean, vodka?

A: I've always enjoyed vodka, but my superiors felt only communists drank vodka. You should've seen the looks I'd get at the office Christmas parties when I'd ask for one.

Q: That's enough, No.6. I am recommending that we get tough on you now! You'll see! It's your funeral! We will put you in checkmate! You will have a change of mind!

A: Are you sure you can handle the fallout?

(c)John E. Bailor1997

If you are interested in submitting material for this page please send it by e-mail to [email protected] Publication depends on merit and interest value.